Lesson 30: Choosing Friends

"He told them, ‘My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from My Father I have made known to you’" John 15:12-15.

Choosing a friend: Circumstances seem to choose friends more often than we choose them for ourselves. For example, in a chance meeting because someone needed help, you saw the need and acted on it, and is the beginning of a great friendship. But how would you go about deliberately choosing a friend? First, watch the people around you for character traits you admire. Perhaps you are athletic, so you seek out others who are also physically active. Maybe you like a certain kind of talent, such as art or music, so you watch for people with the same interests. You go to places where you are most likely to find such people and then watch for an opportunity to meet them.

Act on your friendship: The Bible says in Proverbs 17:17 that “a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” We cannot expect every friend to be that “brother/sister” kind of friend for life, but we cannot know if they will be until we try. At least we will have gained someone we enjoy spending time with. Find ways you can help the person you want as a friend, or accept help from them if they offer it. Sometimes the potential friend may be someone you already know as an acquaintance. You can explore that friendship by intentionally spending time talking with them to discover interests you share. Remember, even if you cannot find that common interest, do not give up on them and just walk away because they cannot meet your needs.


The power of a friendship: Jesus chose 12 men to be His closest friends, and even out of those twelve, He chose 3 who were closer than the rest. Within this band of 12 men, however, there were some close relationships among these men. Though Peter and Andrew, and James and John were two sets of brothers, it seems that Peter and John had formed a friendship that withstood some dramatic tests. Both were in the close area when Jesus was on trial the night He was arrested; Peter denied he knew Jesus, while John tried to help Jesus through influential connections. Yet, though John almost certainly knew what Peter had done, shortly after Jesus left earth these two are together as they go to the temple to pray (Acts 3).

Expectations for a friendship: Give your relationship with a new friend time to grow. Get to know each other. Spend time doing your shared interests and exploring other activities you each like. Introduce your new friend to your family as the opportunity arises because family can often see things in our friends that we have missed ourselves.

Pray for your new friend, that Jesus would give you the words at the right time to introduce Him to them.