Lesson 31: Give and Take in Relationships

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” Hebrews 10:24-25.

A woman wrote how her friendship with a cousin’s mother-in-law began with a shared experience this older woman helped her to get through. At the beginning of their friendship it was the older woman helping the younger. But as their friendship has grown, the give and take on both sides encouraged each other because they learned to listen to each other and help each other through little things and things that are not so little.

Every real friendship will have this type of give and take if it is to remain a healthy relationship. Rarely does one person do all the taking and the other do all the giving, and it remain a good relationship. Proverbs 27:6 says that the wounds of a friend are faithful, but the kisses of an enemy are many. This means that a true friend will tell you truth even when it hurts you to hear it! You may even be so angry at your friend that you refuse to talk with them for a while. But soon you realize they did you a favor by telling you the truth!

How do you tell a friend the truth when you know it will hurt? Ephesians 4:15 says we tell the truth in love. Ask Jesus to help you do that, pray hard before you talk with your friend, asking Jesus to give you favor in their eyes so they will hear your own love for them in your words.


We need to see our relationship with Jesus in the same way; He speaks the truth to us in love. He never speaks it with condemnation (Romans 8:1-2). As He works to cut things out of our lives, always with our active consent, sometimes they are things we do not want to lose. We like our little habits and maybe see nothing wrong with them; they are not hurting anyone else. But Jesus wants that habit out of our life and begins to talk to us about it. Listen to Him and ask Him to help you.

Share your life stories with each other. That is a great way to find out what you have in common and what differences you have that might become ways you can learn new things from each other. For example, one of you loves music while the other loves a sport. Both of you can grow in experience as you each share with the other the things you like about your favorite pastime. Then, even though your tastes in music or sports might be widely different, you have the shared experience of laughing about those very differences.

Jesus’ way in your life is the same; He loves to share His joys with you while you share yours with Him. You begin to see life through His eyes just as you have seen the music or sport through your friend’s eyes.

Memorize: John 15:12-14
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command you.”