Below is not only a list of scripture which addresses how to handle conflict, it is organized into some steps that can be taken in walking through the process of resolving conflict between believers.
_____________________________
Scripture tells us that misunderstandings and conflict are common and we must make an effort to remain at peace with everyone.
Matthew 5:9 (NLT)
9 God blesses those who work for peace,
for they will be called the children of God.
Romans 5:3-5 (NLT)
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Hebrews 12:14-15 (NLT)
14 Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. 15 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.
James 3:17-18 (NLT)
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. 18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.
1 Corinthians 1:10 (NLT)
Divisions in the Church
10 I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.
When there is disagreement or conflict, consider whether the issue is minor or if it needs to be confronted in a constructive way. If left unaddressed, will harm will result? Think about whether others could be influenced by a negative example. Is it a pattern that needs to be changed? Is this only a style difference or a matter of opinion that is better left alone? Could pursuing this further only cause more friction and not improve the situation?
Step one:
You have a choice. Should this be overlooked? Read the following scriptures and pray that God will guide you in this decision.
2 Timothy 2:23-24 (NLT)
23 Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. 24 A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.
Proverbs 19:11 (NLT)
11 Sensible people control their temper;
they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.
Ephesians 4:2-3 (NLT)
2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
James 5:19-20 (NLT)
Restore Wandering Believers
19 My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, 20 you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.
If this is an issue which needs to be gently confronted, go on to step two.
Step Two:
Prepare your attitude according to scripture. You must begin with a Godly attitude. The goal is not to win an argument, but to gently deal with the issue and be reconciled. It is important to communicate clearly without attacking.
If you are angry, deal with your anger quickly and prior to speaking with the other person.
Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT)
26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
1 Peter 5:8 (NLT)
8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.
Proverbs 18:19 (NLT)
19 An offended friend is harder to win
back than a fortified city.
Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with
bars.
Do not speak about the issue with anyone else who is not directly involved to respect privacy, unless the issue impacts them. Keep it in confidence as much as possible.
James 5:9 (NLT)
9 Don’t grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. For look—the Judge is standing at the door!
1 Peter 4:8 (NLT)
8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.
**Understand that God sometimes allows us to go through difficult times because it serves a greater purpose.
Romans 8:28 (NLT)
28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Hebrews 12:10 (NLT)
10 For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.
Examine your role/motives in the conflict.
Matthew 7:1-5 (NLT)
Do Not Judge Others
7 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. 3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
James 4:1 (NLT)
4 What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?
Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Decide to be gentle and choose your words carefully.
Galatians 6:1-3 (NLT)
We Harvest What We Plant
6 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2 Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. 3 If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.
Romans 15:5 (NLT)
5 May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.
Pray that God will prepare your hearts, and will guide your conversation.
Step Three - The Process
Arrange to meet the other person privately first. If you are unable to resolve the conflict, ask one or two others to join you in the next discussion. Finally, as a last resort, bring the issue to the leaders of your church.
Matthew 18:15-17 (NLT)
Correcting Another Believer
15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. 17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.
Treat them with respect.
Matthew 7:12 (NLT)
The Golden Rule
12 “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.
Listen to the facts as you each get a chance to speak.
Proverbs 18:13 (NLT)
13 Spouting off before listening to the
facts
is both shameful and foolish.
Facts:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Proverbs 28:23 (NLT)
23 In the end, people appreciate honest
criticism
far more than flattery.
Define the problem(s)
1.
2.
3.
4.
Deal with all the issues and consider the other person’s point of view.
Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT)
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
Proverbs 3:5-7 (NLT)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your
heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.
7 Don’t be impressed with your own
wisdom.
Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
What solutions or changes should be made?
1.
2.
3.
4.
Forgive, and ask to be forgiven. Be specific please.
- Do not use the word “if” (Please forgive me if I offended…) which shows you may not fully accept or understand what was done.
- Do not use the word “but” (Forgive me for …, but I did it because you/he/she…) which may look like an effort to shift responsibility to someone else.
- Accept the consequences and change your behavior.
- Forgive freely.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. 32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Colossians 3:12-15 (NLT)
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
John 13:34-35 (NLT)
34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
We should forgive others as God has forgiven us and do all we can to live in peace with everyone.
Psalm 103:12 (NLT)
12 He has removed our sins as far from
us
as the east is from the west.
Romans 12:18 (NLT)
18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.